| About 3 years ago I created a character in a role-playing game made by a friend of mine. After some struggling with the personalty I named him Elrond. Because of his job as an assassin I wanted to make him cold hearted. I came up with an excellent idea, make him unable to feel emotions. Brilliant! Well thatīs what thought...
In the beginning he was really easy to play. But after a while I began to realize how much we humans rely on feelings. I had to have a reason for every action I made, I couldīt just say: to be nice or I wanted to. If you donīt have any emotions you canīt give a coin to a beggar, not because your evil, but because you donīt give a shit. You canīt feel sorry for someone or envy them. You canīt feel happiness or anger, joy or sorrow. And playing that role is not easy. The funny thing about all this is that the fact that he didn't have a personality actually gave him one. You could never know how he would react.
Now back to the subject. My article is not only about my relationship to Elrond, itīs more about the difficulty of creating his feelings. I always wanted to write a book, a fantasy, so i made him my lead character. Itīs not really that interesting to read about a person with no feelings, but reading about a person who is trying to create them is a whole other story. To make it even more exiting I made a new character. And yes itīs a girl, THE girl.
I canīt really write so much more about that, it would take to long. But this girl awaken something inside him that he canīt control, I mean who can? He tries to run away from it but as we all know thatīs impossible. He just have to accept it as the rest of us. This is not the whole story but thereīs no time for that. Still there are some more things i could tell. So I will.
The main reason that the book is not finished is that I donīt know how to write it down. I have it all in my head but I canīt find a way to put that to a paper. I tried several times but failed all of them. The reason could be that be that we guys donīt talk about emotions. I donīt know why, itīs just the way we work.
What Iīm trying to say in all this is that feelings are something you canīt control. Maybe you are supposed to love or hate that person? And one more thing. Never trust your first impression, never judge a person before you know them. Even if it turns out you canīt stand him/her you can never know in advance. Thatīs how I made my closets friends.
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